Today I found myself frustrated. Frustrated at myself. The scale. But mostly at myself.
I mean, I know that the scale isn't going to move unless I give a reason too, but it just seems like it's broken or something. It hasn't budged.
I feel like I'm working out, eating okay (I need to really tighten this up) but it's not showing.
I just watched last night's premiere of the Biggest Loser. It was not a typical BL, but I liked it. I always feel inspired by the show. Some people may not, may even feel frustrated by the show, but it gives me hope. I think it's because I can "see" people doing the things that I and most of us think we can't do. By the end of each show I'm thinking, "if they can do THAT, I can surely make it through 60 minutes of moderate cardio!!"
So I woke up this morning feeling frustrated, I think I may have mentioned that. I was feeling tired of the fight. Tired of watching every little calorie that goes in my mouth. Tired of feeling terrible, trying to lose weight to fix it, but feeling too bad to do what it takes to fix it. Yes, I know, I'm speaking in circles. The journey looks so long.
Then I went to hulu to see if BL was up from last night and to my surprise it was. In season's past it would be up the next week. So I clicked it. I have tons of stuff to do today, but I wanted to watch it.
I'm glad I did. I feel inspired. I was reminded that if I don't do this, I will die young. Sometimes I think we forget, I know I do, because we are so used to being overweight and we live our lives, that we are in bad health. Even if we don't think we are.
So I sat myself down and gave myself a good talkin' too. I reminded myself that I am strong. I am capable. It will not happen over night, but it will happen. I just have to stay the course and keep fighting the fight of fat. I hate the word obese. I mean really HATE it. I know I am, why must I use that word. But I did today. I looked in the mirror and said, "you are obese, you must do something about it. Quit feeling down about how much there is to lose and just DO IT already."
I took out my pink polka dot bandana (my favorite one). I tied it around my head and looked in the mirror. I am a Warrior, in the true since of the word. Here is what Wikipedia says is the definition of warrior;
~~"A warrior is a person experienced in or capable of engaging in combat or warfare, especially within the context of a tribal or clan-based society that recognizes a separate warrior class. According to the Random House Dictionary, the term warrior has two meanings. The first literal use refers to "someone engaged or experienced in warfare." The second figurative use refers to "a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics." ~~
I just happen to belong to two teams of Warriors here on SP. One is the Wii Warriors, racing toward a finish line. The other is the Bronze Warriors, challenging ourselves in biggest loser challenges.
We are fighting the battle of obesity, fighting off death to keep it as far down the road as possible. Even warriors get tired or frustrated. Warriors are human too. But warriors don't stay that way for long because the battle will not wait for me to have a pity party. I. must. keep. fighting. My life depends on it.
Warrior just seems to be the word used to describe my life. And yes, I fight wearing a pink polka dot bandana.
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