Thursday, July 28, 2011

Oh That Dreadful Picture!

So I have been doing the mindful eating. It's working for me. . . for the most part. Let me explain. . . .

Yesterday my youngest son was playing with my phone. He knows how and loves to take pictures. Usually those pictures are of the floor or ceiling or his chubby little thumb, but the other night he took different pics. He took pictures of his mommy (he is getting better at point and click). Oh the horror!

I go through my phone every few days and delete all the crazy little pics he takes but I was just appalled. I know we don't realize how we look sometimes, I am very aware of how big I am, but I don't get my picture taken. Ever. And not only did he take my picture, he took profile pictures while I was sitting down. When I say oh the horror, I mean it. It was ugly folks, really ugly. It threw me into a negative thinking binge session (binging on negative thoughts). I didn't over eat (shocking, I know) but that's probably because there isn't really any good, emotional binge eating food here (ie, Reeses, Brownies, soda, etc). I'm glad I didn't over eat. But I am incredibly sad.

I am sad that I allowed this to happen to myself. Yes, negative, mean, ugly, sad stuff from my past propelled me into being an emotional over eater, but ultimately I did this. I ate the rubbish and I look like rubbish. I don't even know how my husband still loves me. Truly.

I am so ashamed.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Mindfully Eating

I am trying something new! Something revolutionary! Something I have known for a long time! I am working on my mind/food connection instead of counting calories. Crazy, I know! (I have known and said for years that it's a mindset, but I didn't do it.)

I am reading and going through the Am I Hungry program written my Michelle May, MD. It is WONDERFUL and so liberating!! I am looking at food in a different way, I am looking at myself in a new way. Counting calories hasn't worked by me for any extended period of time. I am an emotional eater to the extreme and I am now more conscious of what I am eating and why I am eating it. Its awesome. I feel like food no longer has a hold on me, I have a firm hold on it. I feel liberated!!

The weight isn't dropping off like mad, but it's coming off and I feel better, emotionally and physically.

My journey feels so much less burdensome. This no longer feels hopeless.