Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I'm a Warrior in a Pink Polka-Dot Bandana

Today I found myself frustrated. Frustrated at myself. The scale. But mostly at myself.

I mean, I know that the scale isn't going to move unless I give a reason too, but it just seems like it's broken or something. It hasn't budged.

I feel like I'm working out, eating okay (I need to really tighten this up) but it's not showing.

I just watched last night's premiere of the Biggest Loser. It was not a typical BL, but I liked it. I always feel inspired by the show. Some people may not, may even feel frustrated by the show, but it gives me hope. I think it's because I can "see" people doing the things that I and most of us think we can't do. By the end of each show I'm thinking, "if they can do THAT, I can surely make it through 60 minutes of moderate cardio!!"

So I woke up this morning feeling frustrated, I think I may have mentioned that. I was feeling tired of the fight. Tired of watching every little calorie that goes in my mouth. Tired of feeling terrible, trying to lose weight to fix it, but feeling too bad to do what it takes to fix it. Yes, I know, I'm speaking in circles. The journey looks so long.

Then I went to hulu to see if BL was up from last night and to my surprise it was. In season's past it would be up the next week. So I clicked it. I have tons of stuff to do today, but I wanted to watch it.

I'm glad I did. I feel inspired. I was reminded that if I don't do this, I will die young. Sometimes I think we forget, I know I do, because we are so used to being overweight and we live our lives, that we are in bad health. Even if we don't think we are.

So I sat myself down and gave myself a good talkin' too. I reminded myself that I am strong. I am capable. It will not happen over night, but it will happen. I just have to stay the course and keep fighting the fight of fat. I hate the word obese. I mean really HATE it. I know I am, why must I use that word. But I did today. I looked in the mirror and said, "you are obese, you must do something about it. Quit feeling down about how much there is to lose and just DO IT already."

I took out my pink polka dot bandana (my favorite one). I tied it around my head and looked in the mirror. I am a Warrior, in the true since of the word. Here is what Wikipedia says is the definition of warrior;
~~"A warrior is a person experienced in or capable of engaging in combat or warfare, especially within the context of a tribal or clan-based society that recognizes a separate warrior class. According to the Random House Dictionary, the term warrior has two meanings. The first literal use refers to "someone engaged or experienced in warfare." The second figurative use refers to "a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics." ~~

I just happen to belong to two teams of Warriors here on SP. One is the Wii Warriors, racing toward a finish line. The other is the Bronze Warriors, challenging ourselves in biggest loser challenges.

We are fighting the battle of obesity, fighting off death to keep it as far down the road as possible. Even warriors get tired or frustrated. Warriors are human too. But warriors don't stay that way for long because the battle will not wait for me to have a pity party. I. must. keep. fighting. My life depends on it.

Warrior just seems to be the word used to describe my life. And yes, I fight wearing a pink polka dot bandana.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Changing My Focus

I have yet again decided to change up my plan a little. I was putting an unbelievable amount of stress on myself to lose a certain number of pounds, by a certain date. Now I realize that we call that a goal, but I had become obsessed with making that deadline and I ended up putting my health (and sanity) at risk.

So, as I have said before I am on Sparkpeople and I started a new Biggest Loser Challenge today. Its a ten week challenge and I am co-captain of a team. I have been a part of this team for over a year now and we have different challenges and then when not in a challenge we keep each other motivated. I love it. So BLC 15 started today and one of the things we always do the first week is decide on our goals for the challenge. I really took time to think about it, I wanted to make wise goals. For this challenge instead of saying that I was going to drop a crazy amount of weight, I decided to make my goal focused on my food. Tracking every single thing that I eat or drink. Staying within my calorie range, keeping evening snacks to a minimum and eating at least seven servings of freggies per day. Also trying out fresh, new recipes and eating all (or almost all) of our meals at home. Of course I also have exercise goals for each day that I want to hit, but I'm not focusing on the scale this time. Whatever happens on the scale is just an added benefit.

See I have a tendency to throw all the attention on the scale, doing really well on the food for 3 even 4 weeks at a time. I get discouraged with the scale and go buy a box of donuts (thinking why am I sacrificing the good stuff for no return). I have to change the eating habits, permanently, if I am even going to get this weight off and kept off!!! If I develop the eating and exercising (the lifestyle), the scale will follow. It doesn't have a choice, it just may not be in my time frame.

Do I want to get below 300? More than you know. Am I going to obsess and stress over it? Not anymore. I'll do what I can and accept the weight loss I'm getting as it comes.

As a side note I've been soda free for 50 days!!! I think I deserve a chip to put on my key chain!