Thursday, March 4, 2010

What is Happening to Me???

I am turning into someone I don't know. I have been on a quest to find the deep meaning of my obesity and my food addiction. I couldn't help but wonder why I was overweight and other people weren't (I know they didn't eat as much or exercised more, but why). And so I began to dig into my childhood, which was a normal, well-adjusted childhood by most standards. I didn't have any hidden tragedies that would drive me to food and but I wanted to understand why I turned to food. I worked backwards and I think I have, for the most part, figured out my addiction to food (that's for another post, for another day). But with that illumination came a breaking in my mental barriers and a self-esteem breakthrough.

As you have read, I am starting to run (something I NEVER thought I would consider) and yesterday I decided that this summer I want to get a bicycle so that I can ride with my family. Those may not sound like a big things to anyone, but to me they are huge. My husband loves to ride his bike. He rides all over the place and he is always wanting me to get a bike and ride, my answer was always the same--NO. See in my mind, I couldn't. I wasn't able. (Some of that thinking comes from a bad bike accident and I never rode again, I was 12) Most of the thinking that "I can't" was just because I didn't believe in myself enough to try. Same with the running, I didn't think I could, so why try.

The weight isn't coming off as quickly as I had hoped (February was a hard weight loss month), but I am making breakthroughs in my thinking that will carry me to the end of this weight loss journey. I am finally believing that the things I secretly really, really wanted to do, I can do. I would see people running in the park and I was envious, biking was the same, deep down I really wanted to do those things. I have let my weight hold me back too, too long and now I am ready to step out and try things I didn't think I could do.

I have told a lot of people that losing weight is a mental process as well as physical because if you don't have a change in mindset, your weight will just come back. My head is in the game and I am playing to win. Setbacks aren't failures, they are just setbacks. I am turning into a new person. I don't know her very well yet, but so far~~I like her. The new me is more confident and excited and wants to try new things.

I can't wait to post pics of my running and biking and I will, just you wait and see.

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