Oh That Dreadful Picture!

So I have been doing the mindful eating. It's working for me. . . for the most part. Let me explain. . . .

Yesterday my youngest son was playing with my phone. He knows how and loves to take pictures. Usually those pictures are of the floor or ceiling or his chubby little thumb, but the other night he took different pics. He took pictures of his mommy (he is getting better at point and click). Oh the horror!

I go through my phone every few days and delete all the crazy little pics he takes but I was just appalled. I know we don't realize how we look sometimes, I am very aware of how big I am, but I don't get my picture taken. Ever. And not only did he take my picture, he took profile pictures while I was sitting down. When I say oh the horror, I mean it. It was ugly folks, really ugly. It threw me into a negative thinking binge session (binging on negative thoughts). I didn't over eat (shocking, I know) but that's probably because there isn't really any good, emotional binge eating food here (ie, Reeses, Brownies, soda, etc). I'm glad I didn't over eat. But I am incredibly sad.

I am sad that I allowed this to happen to myself. Yes, negative, mean, ugly, sad stuff from my past propelled me into being an emotional over eater, but ultimately I did this. I ate the rubbish and I look like rubbish. I don't even know how my husband still loves me. Truly.

I am so ashamed.

SO FUNNY

I tweeted this video but it is so funny I just had to post it here too!!

Busy, busy today!! Doing pilates later, pushing my self imposed limitations!! And of course cardio!! I also have a TON of things to do around here, so I must post this and call it a blogging day!! I'll be back tomorrow with an update!!

The Day the Mini Doughnuts Won

I have been doing so well. Monitoring my calories and being well within my range everyday. I have been exercising daily and increasing my intensity everyday. I am back to drinking at least 10 cups of water everyday.

Then yesterday evening happened.

We went out to eat. The food I ate tasted good. And I didn't really eat a lot of it, but I left feeling like I had eaten a brick. I was full and miserable.

I stopped at the market to pick up some juice and milk for the family and I made the mistake of taking my four year old in with me. I lovingly refer to him as my Sparkplug and he wanted doughnuts. Powered and chocolate covered. Now, I don't buy these items very often. Maybe once a month, maybe even less than that. My kids love fruit and veg and, well, doughnuts. I thought about it and I said okay. No reason they shouldn't have a treat just because I am trying to get healthy and lose weight.

Powered doughnuts have no hold on me whatsoever. I could care less. I should have just bought those. Chocolate doughnuts on the other hand, well, they call my name from the bag. They may even call my name from the grocery store and I live to far away to hear it. I resisted, until this afternoon.

Then all was lost. I found myself having downed 9 miniature doughnuts, which for mini doughnuts pack a wallop in the calorie department. I am so mad! At me! Just call me Joy Self-sabotage!!

So between last night and today, I feel awful. Yes, I feel guilty, but more importantly I FEEL awful, physically. I am tired. My stomach is arguing with me about my choices and my head is pounding. I was feeling so good. My fibro flare was all but out. My arthritis pain was 80% better. I didn't feel like I was walking around in a fog anymore. I didn't enjoy that meal last night. Yes as the food was passing my tongue I did, but afterward I just felt YUCKY! Then now, as I type this, I could just lay my head down and nap!

So now that I've properly kicked myself in the back-side I will pick myself up and I will go work out. I will work these doughnuts off. Watermelon for dinner!

Two Snacks and a Success

I am off to a great start this year and I plan on keeping this momentum!! I am ever searching for little snacks that will help keep my metabolism going, get me within but not over my calorie range and that are yummy! The other night I decided that I wanted an apple. So I sliced the apple and then I sprinkled the top with just a little cinnamon and then on the side I put 1 tablespoon of peanut butter (1 TBSP is half the serving size!). YUM-MY!! So good. Then today after my morning workout I needed a little snack and REALLY wanted a chicken wrap, but I didn't want a lot of calories for a snack. So here is it:

Mini Chicken Wrap:

1/2 of a whole wheat tortilla
1 tsp. of miracle whip
A pinch of shredded cabbage
Shaved chicken
About 10 matchstick carrots

Spread on the miracle whip. Then put on your cabbage, enough to make a little trail about 2 inches wide in the middle of the wrap. Then top the cabbage with the chicken and carrots. Fold the sides in and enjoy! Sprinkle with black pepper or cayenne pepper for a little kick! This little snack is a combined total of only 144 calories, 17 carbs, 3g fat and 13 g of protein! Most importantly, I was satisfied and won't eat now until lunch.

I had a major woo hoo moment yesterday. It didn't start out that way though. Yesterday for whatever reason possessed this crazy head I bought a Zero bar. In the checkout line at the grocery store, my eye caught it and I wanted it. On impulse I picked it up and bought it. It was a King size bar. I don't know why I wanted it, I haven't had a Zero bar in years, I mean years! Normal vices are Reese's or Hersey Bar, not Zero. I got in the van to come home, opened it up and broke off about one third. I ate it. I didn't enjoy it. I thought, "why did you do that, you didn't need or want that". The rest of the bar went into the trash. Why is this a Woo Hoo moment you ask. Because I didn't finish it. The old Joy would have considered the day a loss and finished the bar whether she liked it or not. Progress, slow but sure progress!! And even with the momentary insanity, I still kept within calorie range yesterday!!!

When I started this year I made a commitment to myself and my family that I would get healthy. But I also committed my efforts to God and He is helping me, daily, to meet my goals. I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.~~Philippians 4:13 GWT

This year I am doing it right~~through Christ and one day at a time.

I Am Making Progress!!

Just a quick update because I am going to do some more cardio work!  I am on my way and doing really well.  I am staying within my calorie range, working out everyday, and drinking lots of water.  I am also finding lots of yummy recipes that are healthy.  So not only in mama losing weight but the family is getting some new menu choices!

Ran across this video today in my twitter feed and thought I'd post it.  It's really interesting.  I have the first You-The Owners Manuel and I love it!!  Dr. Oz is really great and I love hearing what he has to say.  I hope you enjoy the video and I'll be back in a couple of days for another update.  Still no regular soda, this is day 10!  I am doing it and I am finding that my need for soda is dwindling.  I have some diet in there now and I am not even drinking it.  Woo Hoo!!!

I'm Back and I'm More Determined Than Ever Before

I realize that I have been so inconsistent. I totally let things go the last part of this year. I ate and ate whatever I wanted, I drank enough soda to float a battle ship and my clothes got tighter and tighter. I now weigh over 330. I don't have an exact number because the Wii Fit only goes up to 330. I am feeling really angry right now that I let myself get like this. Am I letting the anger go? Absolutely not!! I am going to let that anger fuel my desire for a healthier life. I am not angry at my husband, or kids or anyone else. It's my fault, I let it happen. I allowed my stress and emotions to dictate my menu's and drink choices. I chose to eat that chocolate and tacos and nachos. No more. No stress or gooey white cheese is worth my health. No more guilt, just anger. Guilt makes me want a Hersey bar, anger makes me want to work out.

Tomorrow I'll be posting my plan for my weight loss journey. I am taking it 25 pound sections. The first 25 pounds is my goal. It's easier to focus on 1 25 pound increment at a time rather than look at it as needing to lose 175 pounds.

I started reading a new book and I really like it so far. It's called the One Day Way and the lady that wrote it has lost over 200 pounds and kept it off. The whole premise of the book is one day at a time. I'm not far in it yet to expound any more, but so far it's been about making the best day of today, not what we did yesterday or can do tomorrow. Focus on today. That's what I'm going to do. Focus on today. Today is what I have control over. Yesterday (last week, last month) is gone. Tomorrow isn't here yet. Today I can control.

It's going to be a good day.