FROM FLABBY TO FABULOUS

Craving. . . . .

2012-01-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

Last year was a huge year for me. Not in the area of weight loss but in a spiritual and emotional way. God brought me through some tough issues that had me bound for a long time and was and is directly linked to my obesity. I have struggled with losing weight for as long as I can remember. The first diet I dieted I was 12. Twenty years is too long to be fighting the battle of the bulge. Twenty years of new years resolutions. Twenty years of yo-yoking around but ultimately over the years just gaining more and more. I knew there were deeper issues and now I feel more equipped to deal with things without burying them in brownies. So I'm starting this year off with reading a new book. I have already made other decisions concerning food and how it relates to my health but as I continue to fight the emotional eating I'm reading Lisa Terkurst's book, "Made to Crave". I feel like every step is another key to unlocking this shackles and give me more freedom on this weight loss journey.

I will be blogging here more consistently about my journey. Hopefully, by God's and with His strength, this will be my year to make it to fabulous.

Stats as of January 1:

Weight---331.4

In Jesus name, that will be the last time I ever see that number!!

Oh That Dreadful Picture!

2011-07-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

So I have been doing the mindful eating. It's working for me. . . for the most part. Let me explain. . . .

Yesterday my youngest son was playing with my phone. He knows how and loves to take pictures. Usually those pictures are of the floor or ceiling or his chubby little thumb, but the other night he took different pics. He took pictures of his mommy (he is getting better at point and click). Oh the horror!

I go through my phone every few days and delete all the crazy little pics he takes but I was just appalled. I know we don't realize how we look sometimes, I am very aware of how big I am, but I don't get my picture taken. Ever. And not only did he take my picture, he took profile pictures while I was sitting down. When I say oh the horror, I mean it. It was ugly folks, really ugly. It threw me into a negative thinking binge session (binging on negative thoughts). I didn't over eat (shocking, I know) but that's probably because there isn't really any good, emotional binge eating food here (ie, Reeses, Brownies, soda, etc). I'm glad I didn't over eat. But I am incredibly sad.

I am sad that I allowed this to happen to myself. Yes, negative, mean, ugly, sad stuff from my past propelled me into being an emotional over eater, but ultimately I did this. I ate the rubbish and I look like rubbish. I don't even know how my husband still loves me. Truly.

I am so ashamed.

Mindfully Eating

2011-07-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

I am trying something new! Something revolutionary! Something I have known for a long time! I am working on my mind/food connection instead of counting calories. Crazy, I know! (I have known and said for years that it's a mindset, but I didn't do it.)

I am reading and going through the Am I Hungry program written my Michelle May, MD. It is WONDERFUL and so liberating!! I am looking at food in a different way, I am looking at myself in a new way. Counting calories hasn't worked by me for any extended period of time. I am an emotional eater to the extreme and I am now more conscious of what I am eating and why I am eating it. Its awesome. I feel like food no longer has a hold on me, I have a firm hold on it. I feel liberated!!

The weight isn't dropping off like mad, but it's coming off and I feel better, emotionally and physically.

My journey feels so much less burdensome. This no longer feels hopeless.

The New PJ's

2011-06-04T14:15:00.001-07:00

I love pj's. To me there is nothing better than a new pair of pj's. I have many sets and yet I keep getting more.

Last week I went shopping with a friend. I was just browsing until I came across the cutest pair of blue pj's. They were terribly cute with fabric rosettes, a ruffle and incredibly soft fabric. Best of all, they were on sale. No way could I pass them up.

That evening when time for comfy clothes I put on the new pj's. I was sitting on the couch reading when Superhubs came home from work. He says, "what are you wearing"?, my response, "pj's". We are very profound. He says, "they look weird, like a tutu". I was a little stunned. Let me say here, Superhubs was NOT criticizing me, he was criticizing the pj's. I don't mind that he didn't like them, I did and we both know that they are for sleeping, not going to the theatre. But he did something that he didn't know was going to do or did. He planted a picture in my head. You know, those pictures that pop up when someone says something and no matter how hard you try to shake it, you can't.

Put her in a blue tutu and this is what I see every time I wear the pj's.

It is a perfect depiction of how I feel usually, but especially with those pj's on. A hippo, trying to float through life in something that doesn't suit her body.

Definition

2011-05-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

I have done the research. I have read the books. I know the process and procedures. I know the exercises. I know the definition of weight loss.

But knowledge doesn't melt the fat off of a person.

I recently decided to get a therapist. Very recently, I have only been once. See for the last two years, at least, I have been counseling myself. And not very well I might add, so I decided I really needed to reach out and ask/get the help I need. This was HUGE for me. Talking about my food addiction and emotional eating issues and the issues I eat over, are something I never, NEVER share. Some things I have never told anyone.

Even after one session with Dr. J, I knew it was exactly what I needed. I adopted the pen name Joy because that is what I like to have around me and what I like to exude, but for the last couple of months I have been anything but joyful. I have some deep hurts and wounds to address that I was hoping would just heal and I could move on. Well I moved on but my hurts never actually healed. I ignored them as reasons. I passed the overeating off as simply, a lack of will power. Then I finally adopted the fact that it was an addiction, still never really knowing why. I have identified some of the reasons and now I am ready to deal with those and move ahead. Definition.

I will also be taking a class/group on Mindful Eating. This will be my new approach to weight loss. No more wild goals that are not realistically achievable. I am going to get healthy, mentally, emotionally and physically~even if that takes a longer than I want. More than dropping weight fast, I want to drop it permanently. Definition.

I am going to definition. I plan on blogging my way through this. The good, the bad, the ugly. Whatever comes out, comes out.

FAILURE

2011-02-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

Failure. That word looms over me like a great storm cloud full of lightening ready to strike.

It's the biggest thing that hinders me. My fear of failure is what keeps me starting and stopping. I think it's because in the back of my head I don't really believe I can do it. I have ALWAYS been over weight. I have never been thin or even just chubby. Since for as long as I can remember I have been overweight.

I haven't blogged for a long time but I have been dieting. I am currently at 310. I just can't seem to get past 300. I am afraid of failing. It's been easier to just stop trying rather than fail. There is just something so frustrating about exercising through the pain, eating veggies until they come out my ears and the scale not move.

But this time I have decided that if I fail I will fail fighting. I will fight for health for as long as it takes. Quitting isn't an option. I must fight for my health.

So failure can loom overheard if it wants, but it won't get the chance to rain today.

I'm a Warrior in a Pink Polka-Dot Bandana

2010-09-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

Today I found myself frustrated. Frustrated at myself. The scale. But mostly at myself.

I mean, I know that the scale isn't going to move unless I give a reason too, but it just seems like it's broken or something. It hasn't budged.

I feel like I'm working out, eating okay (I need to really tighten this up) but it's not showing.

I just watched last night's premiere of the Biggest Loser. It was not a typical BL, but I liked it. I always feel inspired by the show. Some people may not, may even feel frustrated by the show, but it gives me hope. I think it's because I can "see" people doing the things that I and most of us think we can't do. By the end of each show I'm thinking, "if they can do THAT, I can surely make it through 60 minutes of moderate cardio!!"

So I woke up this morning feeling frustrated, I think I may have mentioned that. I was feeling tired of the fight. Tired of watching every little calorie that goes in my mouth. Tired of feeling terrible, trying to lose weight to fix it, but feeling too bad to do what it takes to fix it. Yes, I know, I'm speaking in circles. The journey looks so long.

Then I went to hulu to see if BL was up from last night and to my surprise it was. In season's past it would be up the next week. So I clicked it. I have tons of stuff to do today, but I wanted to watch it.

I'm glad I did. I feel inspired. I was reminded that if I don't do this, I will die young. Sometimes I think we forget, I know I do, because we are so used to being overweight and we live our lives, that we are in bad health. Even if we don't think we are.

So I sat myself down and gave myself a good talkin' too. I reminded myself that I am strong. I am capable. It will not happen over night, but it will happen. I just have to stay the course and keep fighting the fight of fat. I hate the word obese. I mean really HATE it. I know I am, why must I use that word. But I did today. I looked in the mirror and said, "you are obese, you must do something about it. Quit feeling down about how much there is to lose and just DO IT already."

I took out my pink polka dot bandana (my favorite one). I tied it around my head and looked in the mirror. I am a Warrior, in the true since of the word. Here is what Wikipedia says is the definition of warrior;
~~"A warrior is a person experienced in or capable of engaging in combat or warfare, especially within the context of a tribal or clan-based society that recognizes a separate warrior class. According to the Random House Dictionary, the term warrior has two meanings. The first literal use refers to "someone engaged or experienced in warfare." The second figurative use refers to "a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics." ~~

I just happen to belong to two teams of Warriors here on SP. One is the Wii Warriors, racing toward a finish line. The other is the Bronze Warriors, challenging ourselves in biggest loser challenges.

We are fighting the battle of obesity, fighting off death to keep it as far down the road as possible. Even warriors get tired or frustrated. Warriors are human too. But warriors don't stay that way for long because the battle will not wait for me to have a pity party. I. must. keep. fighting. My life depends on it.

Warrior just seems to be the word used to describe my life. And yes, I fight wearing a pink polka dot bandana.

Changing My Focus

2010-09-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

I have yet again decided to change up my plan a little. I was putting an unbelievable amount of stress on myself to lose a certain number of pounds, by a certain date. Now I realize that we call that a goal, but I had become obsessed with making that deadline and I ended up putting my health (and sanity) at risk.

So, as I have said before I am on Sparkpeople and I started a new Biggest Loser Challenge today. Its a ten week challenge and I am co-captain of a team. I have been a part of this team for over a year now and we have different challenges and then when not in a challenge we keep each other motivated. I love it. So BLC 15 started today and one of the things we always do the first week is decide on our goals for the challenge. I really took time to think about it, I wanted to make wise goals. For this challenge instead of saying that I was going to drop a crazy amount of weight, I decided to make my goal focused on my food. Tracking every single thing that I eat or drink. Staying within my calorie range, keeping evening snacks to a minimum and eating at least seven servings of freggies per day. Also trying out fresh, new recipes and eating all (or almost all) of our meals at home. Of course I also have exercise goals for each day that I want to hit, but I'm not focusing on the scale this time. Whatever happens on the scale is just an added benefit.

See I have a tendency to throw all the attention on the scale, doing really well on the food for 3 even 4 weeks at a time. I get discouraged with the scale and go buy a box of donuts (thinking why am I sacrificing the good stuff for no return). I have to change the eating habits, permanently, if I am even going to get this weight off and kept off!!! If I develop the eating and exercising (the lifestyle), the scale will follow. It doesn't have a choice, it just may not be in my time frame.

Do I want to get below 300? More than you know. Am I going to obsess and stress over it? Not anymore. I'll do what I can and accept the weight loss I'm getting as it comes.

As a side note I've been soda free for 50 days!!! I think I deserve a chip to put on my key chain!

Measuring Stick

2010-08-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

So my Awesome August isn't quite going as planned. This last week I've just completely lacked in the trying department. I didn't track my calories, I didn't really track my fitness (even though I did work out) and basically stepped back and chilled. I really thought I would not be happy with what the scale had to tell me. But it wasn't as bad as I thought. Actually I had lost a pound, which considering my week is pretty good. When I don't track my food, I don't usually do well.

I realized I was putting undo pressure on myself to reach a certain number by a certain date. Too much pressure. Its one thing to have goals its another to be putting a crazy amount of pressure on yourself knowing the goal is probably just out reach. I mean I want goals to keep myself motivated but I had gotten to the point of weighing more than once per day, eating crazy low calories (which in my head I know doesn't work) and exercising like crazy to burn up 1000 calories per day. Even though I like to believe I'm a kinda smart cookie, I wasn't being smart about this. And true to form I got frustrated and felt so defeated after the whole scale situation. I felt so defeated to know that I am doing all this and saw so little results on the scale.

This morning I got up and decided to re-evaluate my goals as to what would make August Awesome. Is the number on the scale more important that feeling good? The inches I've lost so far tell a greater story than the scale. What would make me say that I succeeded in the month of August?

The answers: the number on the scale is important because it is an indicator of my health, but if I am feeling better, stronger and more energized then I have succeeded. And lets be honest here, any loss is a success right? The inches I've lost make my heart sore! I love that my clothes fit better and some clothes that didn't fit now do. I shouldn't measure success by the scale, the scale is just the product of my success.

My success is my daily achievements off the scale, like staying in my calorie range, eating nutrient dense food, hitting my calorie burn and exercise goals for the month. I have to remind myself this is about getting healthy, not a race to the finish line.

So it is going to be an Awesome August regardless of the scale. My measuring stick is no longer a board on the floor.

Weight In:
~~Wii Board 319.1
~~Scale 324.7

BLAH!!

2010-08-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

That's how I feel today. Just BLAH! I did some yoga, some strength training and some Wii, but I am not sure my heart was in it. I feel like I am stuck. Every time I make progress, I take two steps back.

I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I just feel like I keep hitting a wall. I am still working toward my goal but I am not having as much confidence that I'm going to make it.

I wanted to do a cleanse from the book I'm reading. I got the supplies and I did really well all day yesterday even though I was starving and weak. Until last night. I had only had 480 calories (8 servings of black grapes) all day and water. I was shaking. At the time I felt like I needed to eat something else or I was really going to hurt myself. So I ate. Then came the guilt. I still feel guilty today. I feel like I gave up. I did read further in my book and realized I am probably not in a healthy condition to do that but I can't help but feel guilty. So this morning my little son was eating a donut and so I had a few little donut holes too (total emotional eating). Now the guilt has compounded.

Even though I am feeling rather BLAH, I will make this a good day. I will eat healthy and make sure that my calories are in range and also that I am exercising the way I know I need too. I must keep pressing forward.

This is me pushing back t

Discouraged

2010-08-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

I am discouraged today. I thought I was making BIG progress and dropping serious pounds. Turns out I'm not. I think my Wii board is messing up. Yesterday it gave me an eight pound loss in two days. Today a seven pound gain. I think its because I (unintentionally) weighed last week with the Wii board on my yoga mat and thats what I've been doing and its too squishy for that. When I set it back on the floor it gives me a weight of 321 not 312. I'm very sad. I have been working so hard, apparently not hard enough. I do have the consulation that I am losing inches.

So back to the drawing board and a new scale. I am still determined to make my goal but I'm not nearly where I thought I was or wanted to be. I refuse to give up though. I maintain my goal of 299 by September 1st! I just need to change things up.

Any suggestions??

The Mirror Got to Me, But Not the Tape Measure!

2010-08-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was kind of, well, I went from being kind of on high to touching ground again.

I get so very excited about progress. Pounds lost, inches melted away and I get to where I am just floating. Yesterday morning that was me. I was just on high. Super excited! Then I took a good look in the mirror. A really good look. And I came back to earth.

I am not sad, depressed or frustrated. Just livin' in reality. I remembered (not that I truly forgot), how far I have to go. Its a long journey. I don't like the way I look. I want it GONE, NOW! But alas, it doesn't work that way!! LOL Unfortunately gaining weight is as easy as putting that doughnut in my mouth but losing that doughnut takes hours of work, lots of determination and pain! I enjoy exercising, but I can't say I love it, yet. I'm getting there. Yesterday was a pivotal point because usually when I start to think of the LONG road ahead, I get discouraged and grab a ding dong. I didn't though. I kept to the plan.

So the mirror got to me. But this morning I decided that I needed to "see" some change so I did measurements. I am very happy with the results.

Down another 4.25 inches over various body regions!! I'll take that. Another reminder that its working. I just have to stay the course. I will not be my own worst enemy anymore. I will not sabotage all my progress. It is progress, despite the long road ahead I have lost 21 pounds and lots (I haven't totaled up the inches) of inches.

So mirror do your best, I will push on. I have too.

{{Added about 2 minutes after posting!! I went to my journal and added up the inches lost~~~19 inches exactly~~~~YES, YES, YES)

I'm Going to ROCK August!!

2010-08-02T10:45:00.001-07:00

August is going to be my MAKE IT BIG month! Or maybe I should say, make it smaller month! I plan breaking 300 this month! I will be, at least, 299 by the end of August. I haven't seen 299 since December 2007. Two and half years is a long time to be in the 300's.

Actually I want to be 299 by August 22. So 295 by the end of the month?? I'm kissing the 300's GOODBYE!!!!

I believe it is totally doable! Especially since this morning I weighed and I am down another 2 pounds making me 314.1! This is the lowest I've weighed in over a year!!!! That means I've lost 21 pounds since January (with a nearly four month hiatus in fitness)!!! WOO HOO!!! I am so excited!! It's these little milestones that keep you going to the next one.

I have joined HealthyLoserGal and other interwebbies in the Awesome August Challenge. I am excited and ready to see all that we accomplish!! If you want to join in and make August Awesome, for fun and fitness, click on the link and check it out!!

August is going to be AWESOME!

SO FUNNY

2010-07-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

I tweeted this video but it is so funny I just had to post it here too!!

Busy, busy today!! Doing pilates later, pushing my self imposed limitations!! And of course cardio!! I also have a TON of things to do around here, so I must post this and call it a blogging day!! I'll be back tomorrow with an update!!

Overcoming

2010-07-28T09:12:00.000-07:00

Know your limits...but never stop trying to exceed them.

- Anonymous

"Many of us use our "limitations" as a stop sign for reaching our goals. While knowing our limits can safeguard us against injury and embarrassment, too often we use them as avoidance methods in our lives. What is holding you back from reaching your goals? How can you push beyond your comfort zone in a healthy way? Many dieters experience such limitations in on their weight loss journeys. Our bodies and minds are capable of overcoming much more than we could ever imagine if we just try. Today set new goals that may push you a little. Overcoming your personal hang-ups and fears may be one of the most rewarding choices you'll ever make!"

This little article is from Sparkpeople and was in my email box a few days ago. I am just now getting to it because, well I had a lot of email to go through. This article really got me thinking about excuses and how often times in my own life and I'm sure others that, two things here; 1. the limitations were self imposed, thinking I couldn't do something and 2. and that it was easier to use those limitations than to put in the hard work needed to lose weight. Don't get me wrong, we all have real limits, but for me I know that I sold myself short. I also used my fibromyalgia (which is no joke, believe me) to not work out the way I should. And even if I couldn't work out that day because of pain, the fibromyalgia did not force me to eat those ding-dongs and drink cherry pepsi. Just saying.

I remember when I wouldn't really use my exercise ball because I thought I couldn't do it. I thought I would fall, or be too heavy to THAT exercise or I'm not strong enough. I was constantly telling myself I couldn't, until one day I said, I'm going to try it out. If I fall, I fall, but I need to try. You know what happened? I did the whole workout without falling one time. I surprised even myself! I also said the same thing about doing the Plank. I believed I couldn't do it. Then one day I said, I should try just to see. Fully expecting to drop down in about 3 seconds, was I surprised when I held pose for about 21 seconds. I was shocked.

Now several months later I'm pushing myself more than ever than I have in a LONG time. We all know our limits, just make sure that those limits are not a mental block and are true limits.

I have a goal in mind and its going to require me to push myself. Push past the sore knee and ankle (but not to injury). Push past the tiredness of body and mind. Keep focused on the goal and do what I know I have to and what I can.

I am strong. I am capable. I am going to win this battle of flab. I will be fabulous. Fabulously healthy.

Victory is MINE!

2010-07-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

I have been stuck at 320. I couldn't seem to get past that number. I would lose to that and then go back up. I was getting really frustrated!

Yesterday I weighed. I weighed four days before that. I had lost 4.5 pounds in 4 days.

Bigger news is the fact that I smashed through 320.

I will NEVER see that number again. EVER.

I have decided that I'm not going to make my goal to 299 by then end of July. I have only myself to blame, I wasted about 4 weeks not doing everything possible to lose weight. I am just a little disappointed, but I will not let this missed goal define this journey. Its a journey and I am sure that many missed goals will come along. So I will make a new goal for that 299!

My goal is to weigh 299 on August 20, 2010. I will commit to these things to reach my goal:

~~I will stay within my calorie goal everyday by eating healthy, nutrient dense food!
~~I will drink no less than 12 cups of water everyday!
~~I will do 60 minutes of cardio everyday! (minimum)
~~I will do my established yoga routine everyday!
~~I will do strength training, core, upper and lower on days assigned.
~~I will keep writing in my journal and stay positive.

The Day the Mini Doughnuts Won

2010-07-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

I have been doing so well. Monitoring my calories and being well within my range everyday. I have been exercising daily and increasing my intensity everyday. I am back to drinking at least 10 cups of water everyday.

Then yesterday evening happened.

We went out to eat. The food I ate tasted good. And I didn't really eat a lot of it, but I left feeling like I had eaten a brick. I was full and miserable.

I stopped at the market to pick up some juice and milk for the family and I made the mistake of taking my four year old in with me. I lovingly refer to him as my Sparkplug and he wanted doughnuts. Powered and chocolate covered. Now, I don't buy these items very often. Maybe once a month, maybe even less than that. My kids love fruit and veg and, well, doughnuts. I thought about it and I said okay. No reason they shouldn't have a treat just because I am trying to get healthy and lose weight.

Powered doughnuts have no hold on me whatsoever. I could care less. I should have just bought those. Chocolate doughnuts on the other hand, well, they call my name from the bag. They may even call my name from the grocery store and I live to far away to hear it. I resisted, until this afternoon.

Then all was lost. I found myself having downed 9 miniature doughnuts, which for mini doughnuts pack a wallop in the calorie department. I am so mad! At me! Just call me Joy Self-sabotage!!

So between last night and today, I feel awful. Yes, I feel guilty, but more importantly I FEEL awful, physically. I am tired. My stomach is arguing with me about my choices and my head is pounding. I was feeling so good. My fibro flare was all but out. My arthritis pain was 80% better. I didn't feel like I was walking around in a fog anymore. I didn't enjoy that meal last night. Yes as the food was passing my tongue I did, but afterward I just felt YUCKY! Then now, as I type this, I could just lay my head down and nap!

So now that I've properly kicked myself in the back-side I will pick myself up and I will go work out. I will work these doughnuts off. Watermelon for dinner!

Big WOO HOO Moments!!

2010-07-17T12:59:00.001-07:00

Last night we had a Bible study at a local pizzeria. I only had one piece of pizza~AND WAS FULL! And as I went to pay for our meal, there were these huge delicious looking brownines. I admit, I wanted one. Just because I am committed to losing weight doesn't mean a brownie doesn't sound good. Anyway, I was up at the counter several time throughout the evening. The old Joy would have brought her gigantic purse up there, bought one, hid it in the purse and then ate it when everyone else went to bed. I didn't buy the brownie. I walked out of there with my head held high and proud of the fact that I didn't over-indulge in the pizza and that I DID NOT buy that HUGE brownie!

Well, I weighed today and I have to admit, I was hoping for a bigger number on the scale. I did lose 3 pounds this week, but I was feeling confident that it was 4 or 5. So then I decided to do measurements. I hadn't measured in almost a month. No reason too, when you know you are failing in the loss department.

I am so HAPPY and proud!!

Over various body regions I have shed 12.75 inches!!! I was totally thrilled!!! I mean I've really struggled in the last month and its really only been the last 11 days that I have really been completely committed to both the exercising and the nutrition!! I was exercising but not eating completely great and at times my exercise was lacking in intensity! So to see this loss has really given me the motivation to keep going. Sometimes the numbers on the scale aren't adequately showing the whole truth of the matter!!

Even better than all that. . . food doesn't taste the same to me. Food that I used to love, pizza, tator tots, cheddar bites, etc (all fast food) doesn't even taste good to me. I am loving the veg and fruit and would rather have that!!

So it's been a good week and I am excited to see the number continue to drop!

My Triumphant Return to Blogging

2010-07-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

I've been on a hiatus. Not from dieting but from blogging. Not that the dieting thing has been going to well. But it is now.

This week I had an emotional break through. I was ready to give up. The mountain of weight I have to conquer just looked TOO big. I can't seem to break past 320. I get there and then lose my way. I was chugging at least one 44 oz Coke Zero per day and junk kept creeping into my diet. Then I sat down with my Hubs and we talked. I saw how he was feeling for the first time. I am blessed with a good man, who loves me despite my size but is concerned he's going to lose me. Even though some of the things he said was harsh, I needed to hear it. It was the kick in the pants I have been needing.

See I increased my intensity a couple of weeks ago, but I still wasn't as consistent as I needed to be. So when I did workout it was intense, but once or twice a week isn't enough. Especially when you are still eating outside of your calorie range and drinking soda (despite it's zeroness, it's terrible for you). I wasn't hardly drinking water and my body felt HORRIBLE. I honestly thought I was beginning my downhill decent to death. Truly. I'm not just being dramatic. I figured my unhealthy ways were finally going to get me.

I am feeling better now. Just in the last couple of days. I am pushing past the pain (fibromyalgia and arthritis) and I am looking to my future.

These are my current goals:

~~To break 300 by August 1st (this one is lofty, I set it about a month ago and then got off the beaten course. I'm still going for it though).

~~August 22 is a big day for us and I want to be wearing a new outfit, 3 sizes smaller than I am today.

~~Drink 10 cups of water a day.

~~Exercise 6 days per week.

~~Burn at least 600 calories per day.

~~Stay within calorie range everyday.

I am rewarding myself with that new outfit. I will make that goal.

Emotions

2010-05-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

My emotions have been getting the best of me. And I eat my emotions. So lets just say that my weight loss is not going so great. I love to exercise. I enjoy it, but my eating is keeping me from losing weight. I do really well and then suddenly I fall to pieces and eat everything in sight!! I hate that!!

I did have a long night with Mr. Man-of-the-House last night and I know that he is trying to be helpful but for some reason I don't process it. He loves me no matter what, but he wants me to be around for awhile and if I am going to do that I HAVE TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT. Its such a daunting thought that I need to lose 180 pounds to be in my healthy BMI range. That's so much weight, I feel overwhelmed. I know others have done it and even lost more than that. I can too. I just really need to get my head in this game.

I am going to start posting here everyday. I am going to starting thinking with a positive attitude instead of a defeated one. I am going back to the one day at a time and celebrate my daily successes. Most of the time I don't think to positively about myself which leads to defeatedness which leads to Ding-dongs and Reeses. I have to break the cycle. I will.

I will.

What is Happening to Me???

2010-03-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

I am turning into someone I don't know. I have been on a quest to find the deep meaning of my obesity and my food addiction. I couldn't help but wonder why I was overweight and other people weren't (I know they didn't eat as much or exercised more, but why). And so I began to dig into my childhood, which was a normal, well-adjusted childhood by most standards. I didn't have any hidden tragedies that would drive me to food and but I wanted to understand why I turned to food. I worked backwards and I think I have, for the most part, figured out my addiction to food (that's for another post, for another day). But with that illumination came a breaking in my mental barriers and a self-esteem breakthrough.

As you have read, I am starting to run (something I NEVER thought I would consider) and yesterday I decided that this summer I want to get a bicycle so that I can ride with my family. Those may not sound like a big things to anyone, but to me they are huge. My husband loves to ride his bike. He rides all over the place and he is always wanting me to get a bike and ride, my answer was always the same--NO. See in my mind, I couldn't. I wasn't able. (Some of that thinking comes from a bad bike accident and I never rode again, I was 12) Most of the thinking that "I can't" was just because I didn't believe in myself enough to try. Same with the running, I didn't think I could, so why try.

The weight isn't coming off as quickly as I had hoped (February was a hard weight loss month), but I am making breakthroughs in my thinking that will carry me to the end of this weight loss journey. I am finally believing that the things I secretly really, really wanted to do, I can do. I would see people running in the park and I was envious, biking was the same, deep down I really wanted to do those things. I have let my weight hold me back too, too long and now I am ready to step out and try things I didn't think I could do.

I have told a lot of people that losing weight is a mental process as well as physical because if you don't have a change in mindset, your weight will just come back. My head is in the game and I am playing to win. Setbacks aren't failures, they are just setbacks. I am turning into a new person. I don't know her very well yet, but so far~~I like her. The new me is more confident and excited and wants to try new things.

I can't wait to post pics of my running and biking and I will, just you wait and see.

Of Podcasts and Running

2010-03-02T11:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know how vocal I've been on this blog about starting the C25K program (I was supposed to start in Feb but the illness kept me from beginning) and so this week I get to start!! Actually today. I will be on a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday schedule for now. I may change that a little later but for now that's fine. I am really excited about running. I haven't really figured out why. See I was always the one that would say, "why run unless someone is chasing me", but now I really see myself going for this. Maybe its the challenge of it, because I KNOW it will challenge me. I usually walk in the Start Heart Walk in St. Louis and I only do the mile. But his year I was to do the 5K portion and I want to run it!! That's my goal. I have a group of friends walking with me, so I may have to walk the one mile portion with them and then run the rest. Either way, I will run!!

I really love listening to podcasts. I listen while I clean, while I fold and put away laundry, while I do dishes. I also listen to music, but a good podcast is great! So I was thrilled to come across Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone podcast. It's MizFit and DietGirl teamed up for a podcast. Its a pretty recent thing, only about 10 episodes, but I thoroughly love it!! Go visit Two Fit Chicks and listen to a podcast or all of them!

Lace Up Those Shoes and GO!

2010-03-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

I am not a runner. I can honestly say that I am not sure that I was ever a runner. I mean I made do in P.E. but it wasn't something I enjoyed. Volleyball and tennis, yes. Running, no. I have been known to say such things as, "why run when you can walk" or "the only reason to run is if someone is chasing me". Yeah, you could definitely say that running isn't my thing. But in the last few weeks I have decided that I want to run. Maybe it's temporary insanity, probably is, and maybe it will last, no one knows, but for now I have decided to run. Maybe I should say that I want to run. Yes, that's better. It's more of a desire or goal right now than an actual thing I do.

Some of you or maybe all of you have probably heard of the Couch to 5K program. It's a training program for beginners {you could definitely call me a beginner} put out by Cool Running. Have you ever heard of a running festival? I hadn't. For some reason putting running and festival together as an event just seems, well not very festivalish in my opinion. Festivals usually involve bad for you but it tastes good food, jugglers and other such frivolity. It's amazing the things you learn reading a running website. Anyway, I am looking for some crazy, uh, I mean, brave people to join me in this endeavor. You all know that misery loves company. I'm just kidding. Lets just say that I am challenging others around me to get fit and be more active. It's a nine week program and you can print it off from the link above. Once a week I'll post about how I'm coping, hum I mean doing. I would love for some of my bloggity friends to join with me in getting off that couch and get moving. If any of you are interested I will add a Mr. Linky to my update posts and we will all groan, I meant, blog together.

My goal is of course to run a 5K and for me that 5K is in May, on the 15th. It's the annual Start! Heart Walk. It will be a momentous occasion. I will be celebrating my own healthy journey success, honoring my son by doing something for awareness and getting his mama healthy and raising funds for research and education. So for those of you who read this blog and will be participating in the Heart Walk with me, I suggest you get you running shoes out too. ~Smile~

In three short months, I will lace up my tennis shoes and run. {Insert Rocky Theme Song here}

When I say water you say LOGGED!

2010-02-17T11:30:00.000-08:00

I have not made it a secret that I am trying to break a soda habit. I gave up straight soda at the beginning of the year and with the exception of one can of wild cherry Pepsi a month ago, I am clean of straight soda. The diet soda drinking on the other hand has gotten way out of hand. I drink too much diet soda and my kidneys and bladder are feeling the effects of it. I drink a lot of water too, but I really want to be soda free. I know this may sound crazy, but I feel its an addiction for me. So for the next 40 days I am only drinking water. I may have a little herbal tea while I am still sick, but that's all. I need to break these chains of soda!

So I currently drink about 10-12 cups of water a day, but with giving up soda, that number will rise. Hopefully not only will it help my kidneys and bladder and the rest of body but I am hoping it will also make my metabolism jump! Because of being sick, I haven't been able to get my workouts in like I would like, I know the scale is creeping up again.

So water, water, water and strength training until I can do cardio again!!

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

2010-01-09T16:00:00.001-08:00

I'm excited, if you couldn't tell.

This morning, on a whim, I decided to take my measurements. I know, I know, you shouldn't measure every week because you might get discouraged if you don't see what you want. Well, I did and I am SO glad that I did. Boot camp is kicking my butt, but it's working!! Overall (and I keep measurements of 8 areas) I lost a total of 13.5 inches!!!!! I am thrilled. I haven't weighed yet, will do that tomorrow!! It is good to know that all I am doing is paying off!

Also, I was looking through the fridge this morning and I realized that right in front of me were not one, not two, but three packages of cookie dough that I bought around Christmas and I had so many already I didn't use them. One of them is chocolate chunk, my favorite. I have seen them and just ignored them all week long. Normally that would have been a late night snack of four squares of cookie dough. But I have resisted. All week. I have definitely turned a corner!

I celebrated by buying 3 pound dumb bells, movin' up from 2 pounders!!

Daydreaming!!

2010-01-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

Years ago Hubby told me that when I took off all the weight I wanted he would buy me a completely new wardrobe. Well, he'll have too otherwise I'll be naked. See he wants to buy me expensive clothes, clothes I don't normally buy for myself (I shop Cato, he's talking Ann Taylor and Talbots). I could never shop those stores because I am too big. So today I have been browsing sites looking at the clothes I might, no WILL be wearing someday soon. I told him to start saving his pennies, because 2010 is my year to get fit and healthy and shop, shop, shop!

I have been creating my wardrobe, you know the essential pieces. I'll need this for sure. This looks too comfy not to have in my closet. I want this too. I love this and this and this. Next fall, this will be in my closet next to this and this (purple only!)!! He better save quarters instead of pennies!! Ha!

And we haven't touched on accessories! I love purses and shoes and in this area my tastes tend to run toward the expensive. I love Nine West, it's my favorite! This is just too cute!! And there is a hobo version, which is normally how big of a purse I carry! There are too many cute purses to even keep looking. If I could just run out and buy what shoes I want I would grab these and these and these and so many more!! Make that saving his dollars!! Ha!

Okay, that's enough daydreaming for now. I am still doing really well. I was a little off yesterday, just so tired. So I didn't work out yesterday (my bootcamp video) but I stayed within calorie range and did a lot of heavy cleaning (burns calories too ya know). But today, I am back up to full speed and have done two boot camp workouts, yesterdays and the one for today. I am also back up on water intake too. I drank it yesterday, just not my usual 90 ounces. I am on day 12 of no regular soda!! Woo Hoo!!

I can truly say I have had a successful week. The weekend is usually where I lose it, so I am hoping to keep all things in check this weekend!!

Two Snacks and a Success

2010-01-06T08:36:00.000-08:00

I am off to a great start this year and I plan on keeping this momentum!! I am ever searching for little snacks that will help keep my metabolism going, get me within but not over my calorie range and that are yummy! The other night I decided that I wanted an apple. So I sliced the apple and then I sprinkled the top with just a little cinnamon and then on the side I put 1 tablespoon of peanut butter (1 TBSP is half the serving size!). YUM-MY!! So good. Then today after my morning workout I needed a little snack and REALLY wanted a chicken wrap, but I didn't want a lot of calories for a snack. So here is it:

Mini Chicken Wrap:

1/2 of a whole wheat tortilla
1 tsp. of miracle whip
A pinch of shredded cabbage
Shaved chicken
About 10 matchstick carrots

Spread on the miracle whip. Then put on your cabbage, enough to make a little trail about 2 inches wide in the middle of the wrap. Then top the cabbage with the chicken and carrots. Fold the sides in and enjoy! Sprinkle with black pepper or cayenne pepper for a little kick! This little snack is a combined total of only 144 calories, 17 carbs, 3g fat and 13 g of protein! Most importantly, I was satisfied and won't eat now until lunch.

I had a major woo hoo moment yesterday. It didn't start out that way though. Yesterday for whatever reason possessed this crazy head I bought a Zero bar. In the checkout line at the grocery store, my eye caught it and I wanted it. On impulse I picked it up and bought it. It was a King size bar. I don't know why I wanted it, I haven't had a Zero bar in years, I mean years! Normal vices are Reese's or Hersey Bar, not Zero. I got in the van to come home, opened it up and broke off about one third. I ate it. I didn't enjoy it. I thought, "why did you do that, you didn't need or want that". The rest of the bar went into the trash. Why is this a Woo Hoo moment you ask. Because I didn't finish it. The old Joy would have considered the day a loss and finished the bar whether she liked it or not. Progress, slow but sure progress!! And even with the momentary insanity, I still kept within calorie range yesterday!!!

When I started this year I made a commitment to myself and my family that I would get healthy. But I also committed my efforts to God and He is helping me, daily, to meet my goals. I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.~~Philippians 4:13 GWT

This year I am doing it right~~through Christ and one day at a time.

I Am Making Progress!!

2010-01-04T18:48:00.001-08:00

Just a quick update because I am going to do some more cardio work! I am on my way and doing really well. I am staying within my calorie range, working out everyday, and drinking lots of water. I am also finding lots of yummy recipes that are healthy. So not only in mama losing weight but the family is getting some new menu choices!

Ran across this video today in my twitter feed and thought I'd post it. It's really interesting. I have the first You-The Owners Manuel and I love it!! Dr. Oz is really great and I love hearing what he has to say. I hope you enjoy the video and I'll be back in a couple of days for another update. Still no regular soda, this is day 10! I am doing it and I am finding that my need for soda is dwindling. I have some diet in there now and I am not even drinking it. Woo Hoo!!!

I'm Doing This Thing!

2010-01-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

Well, so far things are going well. I can't say I've done everything just perfectly yet, but I am getting there! I have had several woo hoo moments in the last couple of days! One, I am still regular soda free!! I have had a couple of diet soda's, but I am slowly weaning myself down. No regular soda is a really BIG deal. Also, I bought a package of Oreo's for the kiddos and I did not eat one! Another woo hoo moment was last night when we went out to eat and I pre-decided I was going to have a salad. Usually I do this and then get the menu, see all the lovely food and change my mind. Not last night, I decided I was going to have salad and I did! And it was really good. Then this morning I decided to see if I could find the calories for it online, I did and it was way less than I thought it would be!! YAY!!!

In my last post I told you all about Spark People. It's a really great website and today I found out that they are having a boot camp for the month of January. There are some really great giveaways, the exercise videos are all online and of course the support of a team. If you are looking for something to do in your home that will help you get started, this is it.

Well, I'm off to workout and then clean out some closets. Have a healthy day!

Burning calories,
Joy

Plan of Attack!

2009-12-29T06:58:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow is the big day! Tomorrow I will "officially" be off and running on my journey to a new me new lifestyle. The reason tomorrow you ask? Because tomorrow is I do my Gallbladder~Liver Cleanse. Sounds fun huh? I haven't done it before, but my dad has. So tomorrow will be a light eating day, starting the cleanse in the evening and then Wednesday the bathroom and I will be very good friends. Sorry for TMI, but I need to be as open as a person writing under a pseudoname can be.

Tomorrow I will also be making a huge pot of my Veggie, Veggie Soup Baby and that will be my food for the next several days. I will eat it until it is gone, so however long that takes. I will still cook for my family of course. ~Smile~ Then after I have a good jump start, I will be doing a low carb, high lean protein diet, with lots of yummy veggies and fruit. I will be striving to keep my calories within this range: 1,250-1,550. I am still doing my best to get off soda completely, but I am going to wean myself down, so I am going to diet soda and then hopefully soon, no soda at all. I WILL be drinking no less than 90 oz. of water per day. Because I believe in the power of herbal tea, I will also drink at least 2 cups per day, honey as a sweetener~I technically already do this, so this isn't really a change.

As for exercise, this is the real crux of the matter. I will be doing a good mix of strength training and cardio workouts. I really don't have trouble with the strength training, its the cardio that gets me. I am sore, I have sore joints and muscles and so flat out, cardio is painful. But cardio is also completely needed, it isn't an option. To lose this weight pain will be involved. I know this and I am on board, but my knees and hips are quite convinced. I have several workout DVD's (one is Jillian Michaels box set and it KILLS me), I also have a couple of walking DVD's and a Pilates Burn and Firm (which is MUCH harder than it sounds).

One of the best things I have in my arsenal of weapons is Spark People. If you are trying to lose weight, you should use this site! I love it! I have joined some teams and have made connections for support. I also join in on the challenges which is good for me because I am so competitive, so I stay motivated. It also has a calorie journal, as well as a fitness journal. I love it. I can keep track of what I'm eating (calories/fat/carbs/protein) as well as the calories I am burning. It also has a wealth of information for you to read through and keep you encouraged and motivated. Oh! And there are wonderful recipes you can find on there too!! I definitely consider spark people one of my fat blasting weapons!

So I realize that this doesn't lay out my plan for losing the first 25 pounds rep by rep per se, but it does give you an idea of what I am going to do! I have set the goal that I want the first 25 pounds gone by March 9th, my darling Hubs birthday. I know that kind of sounds like a long way away, but usually I set my goals so lofty that I fail and then I give up. So this time, I am giving myself enough time. If I get it done sooner, then YAY me, I refuse to set myself up to fail anymore! I also set to buy myself a little gift at the end of each 25 pounds. This first one is a new pair of tennis shoes. I am saving back a little money here and there so that when my goal is reached, I'll already have the money!

Happy fat blasting,

Joy

I'm Back and I'm More Determined Than Ever Before

2009-12-28T09:08:00.001-08:00

I realize that I have been so inconsistent. I totally let things go the last part of this year. I ate and ate whatever I wanted, I drank enough soda to float a battle ship and my clothes got tighter and tighter. I now weigh over 330. I don't have an exact number because the Wii Fit only goes up to 330. I am feeling really angry right now that I let myself get like this. Am I letting the anger go? Absolutely not!! I am going to let that anger fuel my desire for a healthier life. I am not angry at my husband, or kids or anyone else. It's my fault, I let it happen. I allowed my stress and emotions to dictate my menu's and drink choices. I chose to eat that chocolate and tacos and nachos. No more. No stress or gooey white cheese is worth my health. No more guilt, just anger. Guilt makes me want a Hersey bar, anger makes me want to work out.

Tomorrow I'll be posting my plan for my weight loss journey. I am taking it 25 pound sections. The first 25 pounds is my goal. It's easier to focus on 1 25 pound increment at a time rather than look at it as needing to lose 175 pounds.

I started reading a new book and I really like it so far. It's called the One Day Way and the lady that wrote it has lost over 200 pounds and kept it off. The whole premise of the book is one day at a time. I'm not far in it yet to expound any more, but so far it's been about making the best day of today, not what we did yesterday or can do tomorrow. Focus on today. That's what I'm going to do. Focus on today. Today is what I have control over. Yesterday (last week, last month) is gone. Tomorrow isn't here yet. Today I can control.

It's going to be a good day.

Getcha Head in the Game!

2009-11-17T10:02:00.000-08:00

My head is everywhere but in the game. I have completely fallen off the wight loss journey. No exercise, regular soda, I am just a mess. In my defense, I got sick. I ended up needing ginger ale to keep from vomiting every half hour. Exercise when sick is not going to happen and so therefore, I am here. Weight loss seems impossible and I am still not feeling well. See then I feel bad for falling off the wagon and so I eat. Makes perfect sense right? Right. Eat because you are eating the wrong things. ACK! I have to break this cycle.

I have to push through this. I have to make this happen. The weight isn't just going to fall off on its own. If I want to feel better, I have to make this happen!

I have to do this. For life.

Soda Yes, Chocolate No

2009-11-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't had soda all day. That is part a woot-woot statement and part a threat. *wink*

I have did however have some dark chocolate. Dark chocolate's good for you, right?? Well better for you than ding dongs and Reeses. I am doing better than I have the last two week. I have to take my successes as they are.

I watched Biggest Loser today (last weeks, I watch online a week behind) and I am not even a contestant and Jillian totally motivated me. Oh, and I bawled the whole time, emotional episode. I am reminded every time I watch that show that I can do this and that if I want this I have to GET UP AND DO IT!!! Like I should need reminding. So despite the pain today, I put my tennis shoes on, grabbed my 8 year old and walked to the complex gym. I got on that treadmill and walked a half a mile, then walked back home. Now I realize that doesn't sound like a lot, but you have to realize that I have not been consistent in my cardio workouts, been doing mostly strength training. Strength training isn't enough and I know that. I am going to walk six days a week, no excuses. There is a treadmill available if I can't walk outside, again, no excuses.

Time for some hot tea and some reading.

Addicted

2009-11-02T00:16:00.000-08:00

I have made a decision. . . no chocolate for three days. I am stopping the soda train too. I have to detox, I'm addicted.

I once read in a magazine a long time ago that if you stopped eating something for three days then you would lose you appetite for it. I don't believe it, but I have to try. I crave it, want it and even when I only have those 100 calorie things in the house I eat too many right now. I mean sometimes those 100 calorie things just give me the taste of chocolate I need to stir up a wicked craving I can't get rid of. Like I said yesterday I am on a slippery slope, a slope made of chocolate and wild cherry pepsi. I also need to give up soda all together, diet isn't good for me either. I justify the diet though because it has no calories and all the flavor. It's bad for me, I know that, but I crave soda too. The question is why. Why do I crave it so badly? There is nothing in soda that is good for me, nothing. Why is this so hard for me to give up?

Enough whining. . . on to other things. I'll have to figure out those answers over time.

Now that it looks like the weather has cleared up a little, I plan on taking part of my exercising outdoors. I am going to walk. I may even throw in a little running. OUCH!! Sorry, my knees ached at the thought. I don't want to be a runner. It is not my high and lofty goal to run marathons and break records, but I think adding some interval running into my routine would definitely help! I am planning on participating the Komen Race for the Cure sometime next year and not coming in last is on the priority list. I say sometime next year because I am not sure which one I'll participate in. I will also be participating the in American Heart Association's Heart Walk in St. Louis, in May. It isn't a race, but I still don't want to be puffing my way through it. I said all that to say that, running a few intervals could be very beneficial. Hopefully, my knees will agree.

I am expecting great things this week, what about you?

Obiviously I Am Weak

2009-11-01T09:09:00.000-08:00

Jump start week as not been successful. ARGH!!

I had a major case of the munchies and anything that was unhealthy was on the list. It started with pizza Friday night and went down hill from there. I have been on a slippery slope of ding dongs and Big Red soda since. My beloved Veggie soup is still sitting the fridge patiently waiting on me. I refuse to quit just because of a couple days of insanity. Back on track today, no excuses.

I am home from church today with a sick kiddo, so I might as well use it wisely. I've read my Bible and prayed~~taking care of the spiritual. Now off to workout~~taking care of the physical. I am also working on my plan for the week (food and exercise), plans keep me on track! I am really trying to find a breakfast solution that is fast, healthy and packed with a balance of protein and carbs. Breakfast is so important and I am terrible about not eating anything until 10 or 11 o'clock~~not good.

Well, I am done rambling for now. Have a blessed Sunday!

Jump Start Week

2009-10-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday day I started my jump start program, you know the one that gets your metabolism going again. I am eating my Veggie, Veggie Soup Baby soup this week (started Tuesday) and I am also eating it again next week. I will probably hate it by then, but it does it's job. LOL

I am also jump starting my exercise by, well, exercising consistently for one thing and also by doing more cardio than I normally do. I have fibromyalgia and some arthritis and so cardio is sometimes (most times actually) painful, but I have to push through it and do it anyway. I love strength training and I do a lot of calisthenic type exercises. I also plan on walking some outside with my kids, but this crazy rain keeps me in doors right now.

I have to say that dieting is probably my least favorite thing to do, but it has to be done. A lifestyle change is necessary, I'm saving my life by making these changes. Fortunately I am not alone. God is strengthening me and my resolve to GET IT DONE. My scripture focus for this week is, "I can do everything through Christ, who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 I realize that I got myself into this oversized problem, but I know that God loves me enough to give me the strength I need to finish the job.

My Veggie, Veggie Soup Baby recipe is in the post right below this one. Take a peek, you might like it!

Soup, Soup, Lovely Fat Blasting Soup!

2009-10-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

Whenever I feel like I need a metabolism boost, I go on a week of extremely healthy, veggie soup. I use my crock pot and cook it for hours. I make a lot and I eat it for lunch and dinner everyday for a week. Sometimes for dinner I'll add a very lean, perfect portion, grilled chicken breast on the side for some protein. The lovely thing about my veggie soup is that it is very filling, very yummy and it is chalked full of nutrients! Another great thing about veggie soup is that you can tailor it to fit you and what you like. This makes a LOT of soup, I use my 5 quart crock pot. Scale it up or down to fit your needs. Here's what I like:

Veggie, Veggie Soup Baby!

1 64 ounces can of V8

32 oz of peas (frozen or canned, your choice)

32 oz of corn (I prefer frozen)

4 diced potatoes

48 oz of green beans

24 oz of cole slaw mix (one bag and half of another, I like lots of cabbage!)

Carrots (as much or little as you like)

Spices: basil, thyme, crushed red pepper and rosemary (use to your taste)

~Pour the V8 juice into your crock pot on the high temp setting, I add all my spices except red pepper in at this time.

~Cabbage mix goes in first, cook for two and a half hours on high

~Then add potatoes and carrots, cook for another hour and a half

~Then add in the rest of your veggies and the crushed red pepper and cook until everything is nice and tender

Really easy and really delicious and super healthy. A serving which is about 2 cups is about 180 calories!! I have made it with other veggies too, like squash and zucchini, broccoli and cauliflower. Sometimes I leave the potato out completely. Make it the way you like it and eat up. Its a wonderful way to get your veggies, feel full and kick your metabolism into overdrive!

~~Remember that you should be eating other, low calorie protein filled food (like skim string cheese) to get the protein you need for building and repairing muscle.~~

Digging My Heals In

2009-10-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

Hello!! I am Joy. I am a very overweight mom and who wants to blog her way to a healthier lifestyle. I am on a journey. Won't you come join me, I know I need all the support I can get!

I am an Apostolic mom to three beautiful, funny, bright and super active kids. I don't want to be the mom I am now. The mom who can't go down the slide because her bum is too wide. The mom who can't run around the playground because her lungs might explode. I mean, I am a hefty gal and I would hate for the headlines to read, "Overweight mom has a heart attack playing soccer with her four year old". So it's time to put action to what I want to be, rather than sit on the sidelines and hope.

I have been over weight for as long as I can remember. I came from a loving and stable home. I liked to eat. I liked all the sweets and the starches (potatoes remain a favorite). I had lots of friends at school, but I also had lots of harassers. You know those mean kids who loved to point out that I was fat, chubby, fluffy or whatever you call it. As I grew older, like Junior High and High School, I have to say that life was difficult. I still had friends, but I was teased mercilessly by "the others". My heart was as heavy as my outside shell. I never told my parents. I never told anyone. No one except those kids who watched my humiliation knew anything was even being said to me. I learned that eating a chocolate bar eased my pain. By the time I graduated I was at my then, all time heaviest. I have now exceeded that. I went off to college and life was pretty good, but I still leaned on food and soda for stress relief. But college was good for me, because I was happy. I lost 34 pounds as a freshman and was down 4 dress sizes from the time I started school.

I met my now husband~~Amazing Man~~during the summer after my freshman year of college. We fell in love and married ten months after meeting. We had our first child a year and two months later. As life got stressful, I ate. And ate. And ate. And now 10 years and four kids later, I am at my all time heaviest. . . 325 pounds. I can't believe I just posted that. I used to say, I'll never get that big. Here I am, that big.

At the beginning of 2009, I had every intention of losing 100 pounds this year. Needless to say, I actually gained 10 pounds from the beginning of the year. I am taking control over my emotions. I am taking control over my addictions. I have known God in a personal way my whole life, I didn't need food to soothe me. I am tapping into God for a whole new purpose~~slaying my food addiction giant! I have faith for provision and healing and all sorts of things, but I never tapped into my faith for help in this area of my life.

I believe in the verse that says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me"~~Philippians 4:13. I know I can't do this myself. I have tried many times and failed. This time I am going to do this the right way, with God helping me.

My name is Joy. I weigh 325 pounds and I know I can't lose all this weight on my own. I hope you'll join me in this process of weeding through the hurt and food that got me here.